A few years ago I posted on FaceBook in regards to the Kennedy Center Honors. I had been quite emotional as I watched and listened to the story of the career of Amy Grant. A friend and pastor noted something like “it’s always been about the music for you.” Now, that may not be a direct quote, but the gist of the 2022 message echos still.
Somewhere in the last year I was listening to Pandora radio and I quickly clicked to the next song because the emotion of…whatever was playing…was not what I needed to be reminded of at the moment. As the next song came on I had this great epiphany of “wow…if I ever doubt I’ve had a great life, I shall listen to the music of “x” and have a soundtrack of 30 years.”
I find myself, on this particular evening…and others…reading the book aloud…to myself…to the Universe. I feel the music. I understand the narrator, As music tells stories of artists, I look them up and listen to their music and read their biographies. And I emote. I feel. I read and play them again.
Such wise words…it’s always been about the music.
Or maybe not. Not about the the music, but the the music is the modality to get me to…feel.
That is a statement that gets used often. I am, indeed, in a healing profession. But am I a healer? I know enough to take this as a compliment; those that deliver this are content, happy, and feel good about my work. Yet, there is still a part of me that cringes a little when I hear it.
I’m a practitioner that integrates many modalities, I can look at you through a variety of lenses, with different points of view. I view your body as a whole. It’s a whole physical system (I look at all of you move, not just at the sore or injured wing). And I see you as the whole of your physical, emotional, intellectual, energetic parts. Where to begin…?
What is the anatomy of healing?
I like to look at physical healing as two parts coming together and being mended. When you get a cut, the skin finds it way back together and heals from within. An outsider can have a positive impact on that process by moving the torn pieces closer together, cleaning debris, minimizing infection, and then gluing, stapling, taping, or stitching the pieces. I can’t recall the last time I’ve heard this outsider called a mender, a seamstress, an artist, a DIY crafter, never mind a healer. Just doing their job as an assistant. We call you Mom, Doctor, Paramedic, Nurse.
Years ago I had posted about an upcoming “Healing Breathwork” class I was leading. A Doctor called and said, “Lisa, should I come to this? Is this something I’d like or need?” I replied by asking what his thoughts on healing were: “If someone with cancer comes in for healing, leaves feeling peaceful but still has cancer, are they HEALED?” He answered with a “no”. I thought better of saying “Well then you’d better rush on down here and work with me!” I believed that he may indeed receive some healing, but if he didn’t desire or even recognize the process of healing as I was presenting it, he may not be a good fit for the room of people.
These days we like to talk about how “The Body Keeps the Score“. In the somatic world we believe that you are a sum total of all your lived experiences. The “soma”, as the ancient Greeks believed, represents the vessel through which experiences, sensations, and consciousness is expressed. You are a total of all the positive experiences and emotions, as well as the negative perceptions and events. You are left with both explicit/mind and implicit/body memories. We also work with the belief that everything you have is within; your body has the capability of mending or healing itself. We hear this as one of the first lessons of any biology class: your body works to maintain homeostasis.
As helpers, we assist by placing you in a healthy environment, one that fosters the work of the body. Position of ease. Proper temperature. Appropriate mindset. Neurological ease. A person or group that can hold that environment and simply support.
To be honest, I don’t like the label of “healer” BUT I do go in with a “fixer” mentality at times! Something isn’t right? I can fix it.
When I do this, I undermine your body’s ability to heal. If your body hears everything your mind says, I may just be the one that planted the seed of doubt. How does it feel to be undermined? Where do you feel it in your body when you aren’t trusted? As a helper, am I creating the best environment for you if this is our starting point?
Many of us are familiar with the part of our being that is unworthy, stupid, not good enough. This is a part of our anatomy that could really use the healing, the mending, the reconnection with our inner SELF.
I’ll continue to work, doing what I do. Call me what you want. And know that as I work I am becoming more and more conscious of the environment for your body’s healing to occur.
Get on with it. Go ahead. Get up and go. Keep on going. Just do it.
As I sit…more than is normal for me, more than I like, more than is healthy…I am recuperating from a couple of injuries. They heal at different speeds. Each has a journey of its own. Each is affected by and effects the others.
In Newton’s Laws of Motion we first see Inertia. For me, I’ll keep on keeping on until a larger force (injury, insult, something more important) stops me, sidelines me. Then I will sit, rest, and heal. Hopefully I’ll get up and begin moving again. Seems like a no-brainer, especially for the movement-junkie part of me. But Inertia also lets us know that we remain still until a bigger force acts upon us, pushing us to move again.
Does that mean I’m looking for something weightier than my 160 pounds? Something taller? A louder voice? The proverbial sabered-tooth tiger that should cause my adrenalized fight-or-flight response?
Or is it motivation? Do we get up out of the chair because we are motivated, or do we move so we can find our motivation? I think it’s the latter.
Our body hears everything our minds says. Our mind hears everything our body “says”. The language of our body is NOT one of words, but rather one of breath, of movement, of sensation, of emotion. Our mind gets these messages and responds or reacts accordingly.
I’ve been dealing with injury. I’ve been relatively still, certainly NOT going out to play, which is something that nurtures, fuels, cultivates my very being. So stillness is sad. It’s a little scary, too. And when I’m sad or afraid, those muscles that get me up and move me don’t seem to activate.
This morning during an exercise session a client said “Wow…I can really feel that propelling me forward.” She said it with a smile; it felt good. She’s been having a tough time with finding the motivation. With doing what she wants or says she’s going to do or what she “should” be doing. You see, she’s ripe with grief. There is a part of her that isn’t supposed to be doing some of these things by herself. This isn’t the life to which she’s accustomed. She doesn’t really want to get-up-and-go…alone.
We talk about this mind/body and body/mind connection. Make no mistake; there is a body/body connection as well. The news of, say, a sad heart speaks to those glutes and hamstrings and lats and says…be still. Don’t move forward like this. Do you really want to wander into this unchartered territory? It’s scary and maybe sad; are you SURE about this? Do NOT fire. Do NOT get out of this chair. Just don’t do it.
Healing is the act of mending the parts together. And like most mending, it is best done with the assistance of a trained “sewist”. Or even with the entire group in a quilting circle. Rarely done alone.
How might we find our “push” muscles? How might the “pull” assist be offered? What if your motivation is stored right there?
Running muscular man falling apart. This is entirely 3D generated image.
I like a good seasonal ceremony. Although the celebrations of nature are always occurring, I haven’t always been privy to their existence…in so many terms. Yet, I have had my share of seasonal blues. I prepare for hurricane season in Florida. And the last couple of years have brought on more profound seasons of grief.
Astrology isn’t my biggest “go-to”, but I’m aware that Libra season has arrived, and today also marked the Autumn Equinox, or one of the two times in the year we have equal hours of day and night. I lead a Breathwork for Somatic Processing workshop this afternoon in which the intention setting portion was based on this very natural season…the one where we sit, look at the bounty of our toils, examine what has worked on our behalf and what has not (the proverbial separating the wheat from the chaff), and giving thoughts to the days ahead. Today’s session was not about fixing and healing and finding remedies, but rather a time to sit and evaluate. Take a load off after some busy-ness. Invite, allow, and welcome a little balance.
I encouraged them to set a ritual or two around the season, and I will do the same. Will you join me? Seasonal root vegetables are available. They remind of the “Indian Summer” of living in the north. It’s easy for me to get caught up in the smell of the apple orchards at UCONN, my Mom’s apple crisp and mulled cider, and the joy of making pies. Although it seems summer is still here in Tampa, perhaps you might also enjoy bringing a little autumn into your home each evening.
To everything there is a season. A time to work and a time to sleep. A time to gather and a time to release. In this time my intention is to sit somewhere in the middle, neither doing or letting go. Just being.
Cut to the chase and I’ll spare bloody details…I’m sitting here waiting to pass a kidney stone. I did this a year ago so I got a little weepy as I asked the walk-in clinic for some drugs (of the non-narcotic variety, so they were happy to oblige with a quick shot in the arse). I have a stash of my own (thank you very much, Dr. Urologist), so I’ve got the lot of them spread out on the counter and am keeping the anti-inflammatory loaded in my system.
The other piece of news is that I’m nursing a thumb injury. Simple can turn complicated and all encompassing when it comes to thumbs. This one wasn’t healing any too quickly, so I got a steroid injection earlier this week. Part of my work is manual therapy to these hands need to work.
The injection isn’t really doing the job yet, but by last night the addition of the NSAID for the kidney stones was allowing my hand to feel pretty good.
Until I went to pick up a light blanket on the couch. I actually saw stars and thought I was going to wet my pants (or maybe that was the kidney stone talking); it hurt. A lot.
So what better to do on this lovely Sunday than write a blog post about…balance. Now that I’m warmed up, my left hand is typing pretty well (except for the thumb which apparently I don’t use in typing).
As a wellness practitioner, someone who has made a living talking about the effects of stress on our lives I have often said that it does not matter how Type-A you are, the Type-B side ultimately is in control. As the yoga practitioner that specializes in the non-working forms of yoga I echo the same sentiment; in your Yang dominated lifestyle, the Yin will always win. You see, we can all glorify the art of busyness, get shit done, work ourselves into the ground, stash away some funds for a rainy day…
…and sooner or later that ton of bricks, that tidal wave, that wrecking ball, that hurricane, that Mack Truck (see, the metaphors are plentiful!) will just come out of nowhere (such a skewed perception) and knock us down. Put us in bed. Lay us up. Institutionalize us. Our patiently mending and quiet side rules (they have pharmaceuticals to help us start the process). The side that receives care and saying thank-you-very-much comes out of hiding.
That’s what I’m doing this weekend.
Unfortunately I may have dug myself into a little hole and am hoping to mend faster.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, health is achieved by living in balance with nature and the seasons. Winter, the season of the Water Element, is the season for slowing down, reflecting, and conserving our resources. We all feel this tendency, but we don’t always listen to our bodies. In Western culture, being active is rewarded and expected. We feel compelled to keep up the hectic pace that is typical in our daily lives.
This season is associated with the kidneys, bladder, and adrenal glands and the time of year when these organs are most active, accessible, and even vulnerable. They are more receptive to being restored, nurtured, and energized. At the same time, it is also when they can become easily depleted.
All this I know, and actually choose to neglect. I came off of the holidays and began the year hammering hard. Sunday workshop. Weekend retreat. Honoring the calls for everyone’s New Year’s Resolutions. Training. Scheduling through June (whaaaat?).
Work when the working is good. Get ready for vacation. Plan for the next thing. Eat, sleep, repeat.
It’s actually a little easier to write about all this than it is to look at this week’s schedule…and begin cancelling sessions.
And there is something about writing it down that shows just how much that needs to be done.
It’s been a hot minute…or four and a half years…since I’ve been here. I’m not sure why, but I bet it’s because life, the stuff of life, and other stuff got in the way.
Funny how we let that happen. Strange how I let that happen.
The more things change, the more things stay the same. Right now I do not hear that with a critical ear. I hear that as someone who keeps the path, diverges from the path to learn new things, likes a path that is cleared, buys a new pair of shoes if the substance of the path changes consistency, walks the path solo, longs for a hiking companion…you get the picture. I like to keep going while staying open to what is present.
So I’m back. Home. In a place I get to jot down some notes. That’s always been a pleasure to me, yet I neglect it. But now those paths converge. I’ve found some confluence. And maybe even some roadblocks.
Perhaps you’ll recognize and identify. Maybe sit for a minute with me.
It’s been exactly two months since I committed to walking a segment of the Camino de Santiago. It’s been exactly two months since I’ve journaled “My pilgrimage begins NOW”.
Right about that time I met Gretchen, The WingWoman. (Any time spent with her is very worthwhile. I’ve sent so many friends since then and all have been amazed!) Her perceptions and insights left me in such a state of joy. The information was packaged in such a way I just wanted to go skipping into the future. And with that mindset, “things” just seem to be falling into place. Who arrives at my door, what I say in response to their needs, where I encounter fascination, when exchange occurs, and how the “dance” is done…there has been a shift.
And the change has been in “mindset”. My preparation for the Walk, my Pilgrimage, my study of The Way has made me look at the road in another language (while I’m at it, neither my hiking mate nor I speak a lick of Spanish. Unless “Donde esta el bano” will get us cross country.) The word heresy derives from “having a choice”. And gnosis is “knowledge”. Somehow someone somewhere gave those both of a negative spin. Somehow being informed enough to have choices became blasphemous. And the knowledge changed from an attempt to have a direct experience with God The Divine into something mystical. And negative.
By the way, gnosis is a feminine noun in Greek. I like that. Perhaps others did not.
I depart in five days. So I’m packing. I’m packing the energy to walk eighty miles (the start of Del Norte). It’s the road less traveled. And early on we have to choose between the high road and the low road. No kidding. I’m packing:
an open mind
the ability to see the Way for what it is
a guide book to lead the way if, when we can’t discern
the spirit of Mary Magdalene
pockets full of prayers and intentions for loved ones
the knowledge that when we call upon holy spirit, it is there.
I’m also armed with much bland beige hiking attire for day and pretty skirts for evening. At the end of the day the trip is devoted to gastronomic delights and good wine.
I’ll be here as the wi-fi and time permits if you care to join!
This is my favorite part of the day. It’s historically been my fave while either lying in a field or in a boat…the afternoon sky with one turn of the head, complete darkness with the opposite turn. Today, as in so many of my days, I get this from my balcony. Lucky girl! Some days I’m too busy to look, but today my timing was perfect.
Two years ago I ushered in the new year on a snowy mountainside, practicing healing breathwork meditation, walking across hot coals. Last year I sat on a boulder by the ocean, breathing calmly, and contemplating putting my feet in. This year, on a chilly Florida Saturday, I worked the breath again, and submerged myself in ice water.
The “secret” to getting this done was the breathwork. When practicing with my teacher, David Elliot, there is a kindness and gentleness to the work, with ultimate goal of healing through (self) love. I find that my fellow practitioners can be as excited and animated as the next guy, but they all lovingly go into leading the work and regardless to how difficult the practice gets for me, there is a level of peacefulness and joy in the journey.
This year I attended a breathworking session in the Wim Hof Method (WHF). Lead by former professional athlete, entrepreneur, and gifted motivator, Pavel Stuchlik, the hours long session stimulated my senses in a completely different fashion.
When I say I’ve “studied breathwork”, I mean it as the most elementary student. I’ve read the science and the research studies of all of the well known styles of modern breathwork as well as traditional yogic pranayama. And I’ve practiced all of them at some point; to say I am a master or even well practiced would be ridiculous as I’ve only been investigating for a decade. But I do know this..practicing pranayama is life altering because it is state of consciousness altering.
Altered states of consciousness, sometimes called non-ordinary states, include various mental states in which the mind can be aware but is not in its usual wakeful condition, such as during hypnosis, meditation, hallucination, trance, and the dream stage. Altered states can occur anywhere from yoga class to the birth of a child. They allow us to see our lives and ourselves with a broader lens and from different angles of perception than the ordinary mind. (The free dictionary by FARLEX)
Back to the ice immersion…I initially got myself there by remembering my sit in a therapeutic cold bath with a well known Navy SEAL. It’s another story with the take-away of “Ma’am, cold is cold to everyone. It’s just cold.”
As I stood outside on this brisk windy day, however, I was immediately transported to a bike crash I had in 2009. As I laid out on the “cold” and shaded February concrete awaiting an ambulance for an hour, I knew that shivering was not going to help stabilize my spine. So I quickly slowed my breathing and stopped my shivering. Because the state of my neck required it. I watched a dislocated wrist relocate and a photo shows me smiling as I knew all would be just fine. And now, standing by the ice pool, I just took a deep breath, slowed my breathing, and stopped shivering. I got in the pool and submerged to my chin, laid my head back, and calmly sat, Even as the person next to me tensed.
For me, the session was not magic…like the fire walk, if thousands of people who thought they COULD’NT do it have succeeded…but it was a lovely reminder:
That cold is just cold.
That I can get an attitude adjustment whenever I want one.
That I am capable of changing not only my mental state but also my physical state.
That in this physical body of mine, energy and spirit also meet; those experiences continue to be at my beck and call.
That anything I chose can be “non-ordinary” and “altered”; I have the ability to change my view of my life with a quick lens adjustment.
This year’s balance project will, indeed, have more pranayama practice.
And if you’re in the Tampa Bay area, I lead a couple of classes at Bella Prana Yoga & Meditation. Tuesdays at 9:15am it’s Yin and Pranayama; Thursdays at 12:15pm its Healing Breathwork Meditation. I’ve got some pop-up small group sessions coming soon as well as private sessions.
It’s been exactly two months since I committed to walking a segment of the 
I came home from work early. Not as in “earlier than I was supposed to” or “earlier than usual”. Just…early.
(Shutterstock)
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