My Red Dress

In the mid-1990’s I had the privilege of working with a fabulous older woman who had lived a life, a life much different than I could imagine for myself. Viola had lived in Hollywood, through the early days of MGM, with ties to both. In her late 80’s when I met her, she was refined. Cultured. Dignified. Witty. Funny. And willing to share her life.

One day she strolled her Manhattan neighborhood when she spotted on the same sidewalk another woman. She thought, “What is that old woman doing in that red dress; inappropriate for her age”. As she noticed the look of disdain on her own face as she reflected in a storefront window, she realized she was the one in the red dress. Horrified, she turned on her heels and went home. She mulled it over. She wrote about it. And several years post she told me.

I put on my own red dress a couple of days ago. I did not run the streets of NYC in my dress, but I did make it all the way to the gym and found myself in a small room with a 20-something fitness trainer.

My red dress came in the form of belly fat. I was having my body composition measured.

Now, I look at my belly pretty regularly. I try not to roll my eyes and say “Good Gawd, Woman, How Do You Even Go Out In Public?!”, but I see it when I do yoga, notice it wanting to form it a muffin top, hide it under smock-like clothing. And admit that it’s getting bigger than I like it to be.

But when this…girl…came in with the ultra-sound to measure it, I looked at it with professional eyes, not the eyes of the woman who wanted a glass of wine with her cheese. I looked down, looked away, looked down again and couldn’t believe it belonged to me. Like Viola, I wondered just when I had gotten “old”. Where have the years gone? When did I become so un-savvy to the ways of the world and my health? And when young miss measured the adipose over my pelvis, the view and thought was much the same.

I came home and had that glass of wine. And a piece of cheese. Or five pieces. And got back on track.

Getting back in balance can be easy at times. At others it can take a commitment of serious proportions. This is about as serious as I’ve had to get in a long time. For the health of it.

My body fat level is too high; I’ve just moved into the “obese” category. Now let me also say that the average American woman has about the same body fat level as I, maybe a little more. But the average American is fat and out of shape and unhealthy and I don’t desire to be her. Anymore.

Interestingly enough, this is the first time in my life that I’ve been told to lose significant weight. (Total disclosure…a good fighting weight, my “game weight”, you know…is about 155 lbs. I weight 165 now.) According to the norms they use, I need to weigh no more than 149 pound. Interesting. Devastating. So much change.

So first I’m committing to losing 7 pounds and putting on 3-5 pounds of muscles. That makes a significant change in my body fat percentage.

And maybe I won’t but a new red dress, although Viola was wearing one at 80 years of age. Or maybe I will.

body fat

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New year, new me. Or maybe old me.

I’m back. Or trying to get back. Or at least back at it.

The last couple of years have brought…the stuff of life. I could bore one with the details and feelings and relationships and work and deaths, but it really is just the stuff of life. It has brought a plethora of writing, but not in the form of a blog (want an educational program? Done.) So here I sit trying to gather myself for another year.

I am personally a great fan of New Year’s Resolutions. People tell you to throw them in the garbage; I dig mine out regularly and look at them. Some are task related, while others are more “journey” based. This year I need to get back on the physical track. So as much as I’d like to say I need the new me, I really am looking for a bit of my former self.

I spent about six months of 2017 with some serious back pain. As is the case for me, it’s more of a “use” and “movement” issue than anything something medical. I’m bending over a table too much, not working a given muscle enough…glutes and psoas, psoas and glutes. I hiked in Greece and Joshua Tree and Maine…and felt good. And then I came home and began feeling lousy again (I’m sure there is a message in there; deciphering it is always on the list). Thankfully, the bulk of it all seemed to disappear overnight late in the year. And I’m committed to keeping it that way.

So here is a little snapshot of how my resolutions will play out in January:

  • Balance. I am focusing on several issues at once. I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket, awaiting fullness before I proceed.
  • Meditation. At least 10 mins daily this month. And any kind of meditation will be OK. Breathwork. Silence. Mantra-based. I know what I’ve liked best in the past, but I’m OK with shaking it up this month.
  • Miles on foot. Last year two comrades and I entered the 2017 in 2017 challenge; logging miles and getting our collective arses through that many miles. We’ll do it again, each trying to do better for ourselves. And this month it means I will cover at least one mile a day of deliberate exercise miles. Stairs, hiking, treadmill, walking…anything goes.
  • Yin. Which is a pretty broad term and one with which I have much latitude. This month I am committed to elongating my posterior kinetic chain. That may translate to “stretching my hamstrings”, but there are a few side elements in there for me which would just be too…scientifically boring…to go into right now.
  • Food. I’m just thinking about it. Thinking about what I need to change. Or maybe nothing. But I’m thinking.
  • Pre-measures. I’m having a few numbers run…like how much body fat I have and where it is on my body and how much muscle mass I’ve lost and oh-my-gawd-this-is-going-to-be-horrifying. I’m doing that tomorrow because I refuse to put it off any longer.
  • Muscle. I need some more. I put on clothes that should be too tight at this weight. And they fit. Which just tells me how much muscle I’ve lost.

Continue reading

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Can we handle this now? High school stud

Can we handle this now? High school students? Adults? #JFKchalleng #tryit http://ow.ly/KI1Zc

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Go, Chicken fat, GO! #JFKchallenge Try i

Go, Chicken fat, GO! #JFKchallenge Try it… http://ow.ly/KI1Oe

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Work/Life Balance

I’ve had some good years of work and, like a lot of people, my income was horribly hit by the recession in 2008.  When one’s income goes way down, the cash spent on people like me is no longer existent.  I had a couple of very, very lean years.  Although I knew I WOULD make it through that period, I often pondered HOW.  I dug my heels in, got creative, and made it through.  The last few years has been spent with that same work ethic, knowing a couple of things.  For one, those economic down turns can happen in the blink of an eye.  Am I trained enough, versatile enough, and sturdy enough to weather a storm.  Secondly, I still need to work my retirement plan back into shape.

I’ve recently joined an linked arms with a network marketing company.  Great science is easy to work with.  It’s ground floor, and I’m thrilled to be part of it.  At an educational session the other day, someone got up and said “Do you really want to go back to your (sorry) job on Monday morning?”

Hmm.  I do.  I do want to go back to my job each Monday morning because I HAVE my dream job.  As a one-woman-show I have created the occupation that I desired, a hybrid of skills that keeps my day to day existence interesting.

That was a big eye opener for me.  So many people get involved because they hate their day-to-day life, they dislike their mundane and meaningless job, they despise their environment.  As for me…I dig what I do.

Work/Life BalanceBut I see the beauty of doing something differently.  Doing something differently.  Peace of mind comes in many forms.  Peace of mind comes from…even recognizing that fact.  Now I desire to back away from my dream job, even for just a couple of days a week, just to get the bank balance back to where it should be.

Juggling work and life, keeping the balls in the air WHILE walking the tightrope of life…it’s my next sport.

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POV

Yeah, it’s been a while, and I’ve got much to say.

About The Decemberist:  I kept my wits about me, I was happy, I ate well, I exercised; I felt good about the season.  I did not lose weight.  It was a good month.

And then January came.  I had planned well, checking in with an Ayurvedic practitioner on the second of the month.  My plan for the new year was further honed and was ready for the start of something beautiful.

And then a woman I know chose to end her life.  Of course, my initial response was set from my own vantage point…how does somebody make it through the holidays and then decide to kill themselves?  But just because I happen to be rejuvenated by the start of a new year does not mean everyone else is.  She took her life on the eve of MY new beginning; she saw it quite differently.

I did not wonder what I could have done to save her, as even her inner circle did not recognize her needs.  As I looked around a church packed funeral, my questions were not for friends who might be going through the same sadness, but for those of us who think we’ll never see the world from that horrible place.

What made her get on the plank and walk to the end?  I knew her as someone who had a lovely group of friends.  She was quite active in our church, covering large congregational tasks as well as being involved in more than one small group.  For if she didn’t have it all together, she was involving herself in all the “tasks” that could be recommended.  From my vantage point, at least.

And if someone (seemingly) doing “all the right things” could be pushed to the edge, what the heck is keeping me in the boat?  And what’s the switch that changes all that?

So my New Year’s plots and plans seemed a little less important.  What is important is that I change my point of view.  Why would I want to “fix” the self I see when I could just as easily start seeing myself differently?  I mean, like a lot of woman, I can be quite fickle.  I’ve been known to change my mind without much warning.  So an attitude adjustment was in order.

Ten days after her death I gathered with friends to debrief and close the season.  We all wrote notes, put them in a big jar, set them ablaze, and sent them up to our fallen sister.  We addressed her struggles, our struggles.  We talked about her limitations, our own limitations.  And we vowed to do better by each other, and for each other.

And that starts at home.  I’ve found a coach and picked up a new sport.  My Friday work day will be cut a little short so my week can end with a private yoga session.  Although I enjoy being a leader in my Wesley group, I have joined another spiritual group as a participant.  There are a few “loose ends” in my world; they seem to tidying themselves.  Funny how that happens when you look at the big picture from a new perspective.

It’s a new year with a new view.

My eyes, and I chose to see differently.

My eyes, and I choose to see differently.

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Last Yin for Athletes for 2014! @Yogani

Last Yin for Athletes for 2014! @Yogani 4-6pm TODAY! $25 Expose it all! http://ow.ly/i/7VXVi

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Wobbling on the rope, but still on!

Wow.  What a difference a couple of days makes!  And I say that in a “gee-I-had-a-minor-set-back” kind of way, not a “wow-I just-fell-off-the-tightrope-of-life” type thing.  Although the week, month, and holiday season began in a way that I knew it COULD get the best of me, I felt great with my mood and preparations for keeping on top of a good thing, that it good things WOULD manifest.

Feet on a scaleSo the last time I wrote was Tuesday, and I was 163.5 pounds.  Since then I’ve been W/164, Th/165, F/165 and today/166.  Right.  So the running tally for the week is that I’ve lost a pound.  Wonderful in the healthy balanced living realm; not so wonderful in my frantic Type-A world.  Healthy balance wins here.

TimeoutAs for my running streak…I’m still on it, I just had to sit on the bench and watch for a bit.  On Wednesday I did yoga with Ninja and then covered a little pavement.  My pinchy hip was still getting the better of me, so I walked.  (Statement of decreased fitness level: my shoulders and triceps got a little sore, and my half marathon done at a walking 12:05 pace is NOT where I currently reside).  Measured 1 @13:02, Measured 2 @12:45, Measured 3 @ 12:23.  It’ll come back.  Then I taught yoga.  I actually ended up DOING the 2-hour Yin class with the athletes.  Mistake on my part, as my hyper-mobile segments got a little more mobile.

And Thursday morning I couldn’t walk.  By 10:00 I had myself standing upright; thanks be to the kitchen countertop.  By 1:00 I could sit.  And nap in the chair.  And watch TV.  Not an active day.

Friday morning I went back to work.  But I did not run.  I did not walk.  I did not do yoga.  I did not eat green eggs and ham.  I worked, baked two apple pies (which I did not eat), and went to an evening function.  But I did not run.

And now I’m sitting on the couch typing.  OK, I’ll go out and do something when my coffee  cup is dry.

All is not lost.  The week isn’t quite over, the streak will continue, I’ll get moving again, my weight will get back to normal.  And my mood will stay constant.  “I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness…”  

It’s balanced me before, it will work again.

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ADVENT(ure):3

She walks in streets paved with gold

She walks in streets paved with gold.

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ADVENT(ure): 1-2

Great expectations…the hope of greater-gator things to come.

Great expectations…the hope of greater-gator things to come.

An early sunset that I almost missed.  Almost.

An early sunset that I almost missed. Almost.

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